Losing my religion

The more I think about religion and God the more I question. The more I question, the more I find the answers lacking (if anyone is even willing to try to answer my questions).

Every time I get one of those email forwards or read a Facebook post about Jesus or God or both, I become even more turned off to organized religion. My parents send them to me. Good friends of mine send them to me. Educated people whom I deeply respect. These emails and posts normally come across as self-righteous and holier-than-thou. I always assume the intent is pure, but the message is not what I think the sender hoped it to be.

I am a white American male who grew up going to a Methodist church. My mom taught Sunday School. We went every week. I went to youth group when I got older and went to Young Life in high school. I attended church in college and after. I was even the treasurer for one congregation. So religion was a significant part of my life for a very long time. I know the Bible stories. I know what Christians believe (I even took a course in college called Basic Christian Beliefs).

Since I grew up quite WASPy, unsurprisingly, many of my friends fit that acronym. When I do get one of these emails, it typically comes from this set of people. It's always Christian, usually Protestant, but occasionally Catholic. I've yet to have one of my Jewish or Islamic friends send me an email telling me how beautiful God is, or how I can repent by sending on their email to 10 others to help them be saved, too. But maybe that's because I don't know enough Jews or Muslims. Or maybe it's because I live in America. Or both. Or...

What really gets me is that nearly every time I have tried to have an honest discussion regarding religion, people won't talk with me. They might talk at me. They often get offended or defensive because they think I'm criticizing them or their religion. And then their logic becomes faulty and they result to emotional statements that convey how strong their convictions are, but do nothing to help me better understand why they have those convictions.

Once, when I was in my late 20s, I attended a number of services at an evangelical church. It was a large church, and I was attracted by the number of younger churchgoers. I got to know the "Young Adult Pastor" and went on a ski trip with him and other "young adults". Afterwards, I met this pastor for lunch telling him I had a lot of questions he happily engaged in discussion and did not get defensive or offended. I think a good part of me was hoping to have some great epiphany and find my way back to religion. But, his answers didn't satisfy. His church believed that the Bible was the Word of God and that it had to be accepted in its entirety. This despite the apparent contradictions, especially between the Old and New Testaments. When he explained this to me, I became even more frustrated.

I continue to wander. I don't actively search for discussion much any more. I am trying hard to not become cynical. But what do I do? "Love thy neighbor as thyself." "If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." What beautiful tenets these are. Hold them true and there is no war, there is no murder, there is no hunger, there is no poor. And yet men and women who claim to be "Christian", break these commandments whenever it suits them.

Once upon a time, the President of the United States repeatedly asked God to "Bless America". And then this president sent forth our army to kill Iraqis.

God help us?